Still married after 25 years¶
Tuesday, October 7, 2025
Today 25 years ago Ly and I signed our wedding act in Eupen. We celebrated our wedding day as we’ve celebrated it every year since then: without any guests, just the two of us.
Before and after these 25 years:
Some photos from then:
Here are some survival tricks for software developers married to product designers (no warranties that they work for other couples as well):
Cultivate thankfulness. Every day. Let it become an automatic reaction in moments of frustration or anger to think about something you are thankful for.
When your wife asks you to do something obviously silly: just do it, that’s less work than not doing it. Take care to honour those exceptional cases when it later turns out that her wish wasn’t as silly as you thought.
When your wife happens to behave like an asshole: so what? Look at yourself and if you still believe that you are less of an asshole than her, look again.
When an argument with her escalates, leave the house for at least 20 minutes so that your adrenaline level has time to go back.
Make sure to always reconcile after every tough moment.
You fell in love with another woman/man? Come on! Marriage is more than some ephemere pleasant emotions!
Dare to talk about divorcing. Don’t imagine that your wife never thinks about it. Thinking together yields better results than thinking alone.
When considering divorce, read Between Two Bales of Hay or similar texts. “No doubt, it is far more joyous to remain committed to an idea if you are passionate about it. But even without the passion, just sheer commitment will see you through.”
Be realistic: divorcing is a waste of resources. Living alone takes much more energy and money than learning to forgive your partner.
My advice to those who gave up and divorced:
What a pity! But don’t grieve for longer than a year, move on with your life.