About friends

Here is how I currently define “friend”:

friend

Somebody to whom I wouldn’t refuse a request for help, even if it required some effort.

This definition is special in that it reverses the energies: the decision lies within me, not within the other person. Instead of asking “Are you my friend?”, I rather make a statement that “I consider you as my friend”. Of course I hope that my friends also consider me as their friend, but that’s not a condition.

Of course there are limits to what I understand by “some effort”. This definition is inspired from a Bible passage where Jesus says “Which of you who has a friend will go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves, for a friend of mine has arrived on a journey, and I have nothing to set before him’; and he will answer from within, ‘Do not bother me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed. I cannot get up and give you anything’? I tell you, though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his impudence[3] he will rise and give him whatever he needs.  (Luke 11:5-8)

When I moved from Belgium to Estonia at the age of 30, one of my biggest worries was: will I lose my friends? That’s why I started writing newsletters to my old friends in Belgium.

There are scientific studies showing that friends are important. For example 2021-11-22 Stress is a health hazard. But a supportive circle of friends can help undo the damaging effects on your DNA.