Finding peace of heart¶
Friday, November 4, 2022 (06:54).
This week I had a meeting with one of the members of the sinoditiim. I had asked “Would you have an hour tomorrow after Mass for sitting with me? As part of the healing process for my stomach cancer I am looking for reconciliation with people I have to forgive something. And you are a potential candidate.”
The meeting lasted about 90 minutes and was beneficial for both of us. It is clear that our views and personal traits differ considerably and that we will always have opposing preferences and emotional reactions in certain situations. And yet we can participate in a same communion.
Next week I will have a similar meeting with another representative of the “opposite camp” (see The two camps).
I started to finalize the Synodal Church section of my website.
My work for the Synod on Synodality was clearly a traumatic experience for me. If you believe that stomach cancer has mostly emotional causes, you may be tempted to think that the Synod on Synodality was the main cause or at least the “triggering trauma”.
But if there are emotional causes, then they are more complex than just a single “triggering trauma”. It has rather to do with the way I forgive. I think that I actually do forgive “everything” to “everybody”, but I happen to be slow to realize that I feel offended and that there actually is something I need to forgive. I am quick in forgiving with my brain, but forget to check whether my heart agrees. The heart is more important than the brain. It would be easier to simply forgive directly with my heart.
If this is the emotional cause of my problem, then it’s obviously older than the Synod project. I want to learn to detect and resolve emotional conflicts more quickly.
And then my cancer might have simple physical causes like nicotine, sugar, and coffee.
Yesterday I was tested for Helicobacter pylori and tonight I received the result: I was negative. One simple physical cause less.