About queer people

A hot topic

Whenever a situation requires people to consent about something related to queerness, we can observe that this is a controversial topic. In both camps there are people who refuse to imagine that a dialogue is possible.

I prefer the word “queer” over “LGBT”. “Queer” is a beautiful and sympathetic name, while “LGBT” is a boring acronym that doesn’t even cover things correctly. And then I still must think twice each time I pronounce or spell “LGBT”, even after years of talking about it.

Vocabulary

queer

An general word for humans with a sexual extraordinarity.

Originally meaning “strange” or “peculiar”, queer came to be used pejoratively against those with same-sex desires or relationships in the late 19th century. Beginning in the late 1980s, queer activists began to reclaim the word as a deliberately provocative and politically radical alternative to the more assimilationist branches of the LGBT community. Read the Wikipedia article about it.

heterosexuality

The (normal) sexual orientation of a human feeling sexually attracted by other humans of the opposite sex.

homosexuality

The sexual orientation of a human feeling sexually attracted by other humans of same sex.

bisexuality

The sexual orientation of a human feeling sexually attracted by other humans of both sexes.

transgender

The fact of having a sexual identity that differs from your birth sex.

In other words, either a man who would prefer to be a woman, or a woman who would prefer to be a man.

sexual orientation

An enduring pattern of emotional, romantic and sexual attractions developed as the result of a complex interplay of genetic, hormonal, and environmental influences.

sexual identity

How one thinks of oneself in terms of to whom one feels sexually attracted.

cisgender

The fact of having a sexual identity that matches your birth sex.

birth sex

The sex that has been assigned to you when you were born.

homophobia

A range of negative attitudes and feelings like contempt, aversion, hatred or antipathy toward humans who are identified or perceived as being homosexual.

It is often expanded to otherwise queer people (bisexual and transgender).

Homophobia can cause stigmatization and discrimination. Homophobia is based on ignorance, irrational fear and obsolete religious beliefs.

sexual polarization

The natural differences between men and women.

Sexuality means polarization

Humans are part of the living beings that reproduce sexually. You need a male and a female to come together in order to get a child. Nature has given our species the gift of enjoying sexuality in both body and spirit.

We cannot teach children that there is no difference between men and women. sexual polarization is a natural law. We cannot deny sexual polarization as a normal part of humanity and a natural requirement for our reproduction.

This law won’t change even when role distribution of sexes becomes more diversified with increasing complexity of a society.

This law won’t change even when medical research finds surprising ways to work around it and to discover the joy of revolting against nature.

Homosexuality

I have a separate page on About homosexuality.

Transgender people

Transgender sexuality is fundamentally different from homosexuality. The extraordinary thing with transgender people is the sexual identity, not the orientation.

There are two classes of transgender people: those who long for a permanent transition seeking medical assistance, and those who don’t.

Are there known cases of people who permanently seeks transitions to the other gender using medical assistance including hormone replacement therapy and other sex reassignment therapies, might later in their life suffer from side effects that might be more problematic than the original problem. That makes sense because our biological sex has deep influences on our life, our brain, our mental development. This development starts already in the womb. The fruits of this development cannot be changed at will without causing serious other problems.

TODO: Find examples of transgender people who got happy and satisfied only after a permanent change of identity, and who remained happy and satisfied until the end of their days.

Condemnation of homosexuality predates Abrahamic religions

“In cultures influenced by Abrahamic religions, the law and the church established sodomy as a transgression against divine law or a crime against nature. The condemnation of anal sex between males, however, predates Christian belief. It was frequent in ancient Greece; “unnatural” can be traced back to Plato.” (Wikipedia)

Not only Abrahamic religions, but also e.g. the Sowjet regime ignored human rights of queer people. [2021-09 Inimesed, keda polnud]

Many humans are not ready to recognize same-sex marriage. Obviously because they fear that the partners might have sex together and because they find the mere idea disgusting. This feeling is not caused by religion. Also many non-religious people find it disgusting to see two men kissing each other.

Can you “heal” queerness?

Is an extraordinary sexuality something definitive? Is it something that you must “learn to accept” and “manage”? Or can you “heal” it and become “normal”?

I believe that both possibilities exist. Our health care system should provide support in both directions: you may be extraordinary and want to become heterosexual, or you may want to remain extraordinary and get respected as such by other people. In both cases you may need professional help.

There are people who were homosexual and then managed to reorientate. They married a partner of opposite sex and lived happy ever after until their end.

Even when you fail or refuse to reorientate and remain without biological children during your life on Earth: there is more to life than having children.

My message to Christians

Let us differentiate between queerness and certain negative effects that happen when people discuss about these topics: for example pornography, arrogance, hateful speech or denial of sexual polarization.

When something is disgusting, does that mean it is a sin? Does that give me the right to pronounce a verdict? I am not God. I read in the Gospel that Jesus calls us to love our fellow humans. And he does not add that we should exclude those who do disgusting things. We do not need to find ways to “save” them from their “sin”. Leave that job –if needed– to God.

It is unfortunate that some religious institutions and leaders still stigmatize homosexuality as something bad. I think that it is time to review our religious teachings.

My message to queer people

The belief that homosexuality –or the fact of accepting it and living accordingly– is a sin has grown during thousands of years, it has deep roots. Changing this belief needs time. Cultures don’t change quickly. But we are on our way. The Church has learned already. Homosexuality as such is no longer a sin for the Roman Catholic church. I believe that it won’t take very long –only a few generations– until queer people can live a honoured and peaceful social life and that they can marry in order to form an oikos with the blessing of the Church.

Be careful when using the word homophobia. As a queer person you face miscellaneous problems in daily life because you are extraordinary. These problems are similar to the problems of left-handed people. Don’t expect other people to become left-handed just because it helps you to feel better. Accept your extraordinary sexuality and be grateful for it.

TODO